Home is where I'm in love with you

Well, I made it back home. Okay, no worse for wear. Okay that's a lie. I have a minor case of pink eye. Thanks Euro tour. Let me rephrase: We shared everything on the bus.
Do you want to hear about my flights? I really don't think so. I can tell you I cried when I left my host family at security, I cried all the way to Munich. Then right in the middle of Duty Free in Frankfurt, I had a breakdown. Then I cried when I left Germany, I cried when I listened to "Let Her Go" by Passenger. I cried when I got into Denver and saw the mountains for the first time in a long while. I think I cried enough tears to take care of the drought problems in Colorado.
It is kind of weird being back at home. It feels like nothing has changed. It feels like my exchange was a dream. That I just took a super long nap, had this amazing dream and then woke up. That's how I explain my exchange now. That it was a dream. Because it was. It was a life in a year.
I can't really recap my exchange. You could go through and read the old blog posts. That's kind of a recap. It was an adventure.
So now I go back to real life. I go back to being a small valley girl who went on this amazing adventure. Or I go back and be the girl I was in Italy and not care what the others thing. That way, I don't live a lie my senior year. Sounds a lot easier than it is. I think I can handle it. I handled going to Italy for a year. I think I can handle anything now.
I will tell you something I've learned this year: I've learned that I really like writing. I like how it's like meditating. How I can use my words to express my thoughts. I cannot imagine not writing. I want to keep writing. I want to keep writing and traveling. That's my plan for the future. Become a journalist and travel. I don't care if it's to the war front or to Florence to give a report on youth hostels. Just put me on a plane with a journal and I'll be a happy camper.
I guess this is my last blog post. Maybe I'll update it sometimes but it's doubtful. Maybe I'll start another blog on senior year and how I'm doing. Except that sounds cliche. Who knows.
Right now I'll leave you guys with: I'm going on an adventure this year.

I will follow you into the dark

Last day in Italy. Where has the time gone? I made it 10 months, 1 week and a day. Who would've thought.
Yesterday, we had my going away party. It was really nice actually. My friend kept saying that it was so Italian. That being in a yard over looking vineyards and having the Italian flag hanging above us. I guess it is very Italian. But the thing is, Gorizia is Italian in its own way. There are the apartments with different colors, the cobblestones, the ice cream and high fashion stores. My friends don't realize how lucky they are to live here. How amazing it is to be surrounded by this history.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: we should always be proud of where we come from. I know, I make Vail out to be small and closed and hard to have space to breathe. Yet, I love it. I love the comfort of being surrounded by the mountains. Knowing that in half an hour, I can be out skiing or out on the trail running. Sure, sometimes I feel closed off and that there is no air still, I try to remember how lucky I am to say I live in the mountains. I'm proud to say that I'm not an apartment baby or a city girl. That I know which plants you can survive off of and what plants will kill you in a matter of hours. I'm proud to say that I know how to run away from a moose. (Zigzags everyone)
This is what my life has come to... knowing how to run from a moose.
What am I supposed to say? There are no words for this feeling. This feeling of leaving a new life, of leaving a new family and new friends. This feeling of seeing my family after 10 months of only emails and skype dates.
I woke up this morning at 2 in the morning because I'm NERVOUS! That's it! I admit it. I am damn flippin' nervous to see my family. To see the valley. To see everybody. I'm nervous that I'm not the girl everyone is looking forward to seeing. I've changed so much and I don't know who they are expecting. The girl I was before exchange or the young woman I have grown into. I'm nervous that I'll lose friends because of who I've become. Isn't that so vain of me? I'm more nervous about losing friends than I was nervous before going to school for the first time in Italy.
But then on the flip side, I'm so excited to see my family. I can't wait to give my mom a huge hug. And see my dad. To see the rocks in my life. To see my baby sister and tell her about all the guys in Europe and how they dress well and are in their own way, so much better than American guys. To be able to hug all of them and tell them thank you for letting me go off for a year.
Then I'm so sad to leave my Italian family. I keep crying because I don't know when I'll see them next. They are so precious to me. They have taken a part of my heart and I hold them close. They let me into their home and didn't ask anything of me. They let me discover who I am. I am so grateful for that.
The title is a song by Death Cab for Cutie. After this year, I will follow all of the people I love into the dark. I would make that sacrifice to let them know I care about them. To let them know that they always have someone to count on. Just like my parents did for me this year and the years past.
"Fear is the heart of love" according to the song and I agree. That's what this year was. A jump into the abyss. Where you let fear pass once you start to love your new family. When you start to love your friends. The fear passes and then it comes galloping back when it's time to leave. And you know why? Because you're taking another jump into the abyss.
I tell myself "I'm going on an adventure". I told myself that before I left for Italy. I told myself that before I left for Israel. And now I'm telling it to myself before I leave for home. Because that's what life is. One big adventure.

Snow Girl turned Beach Girl

I've been to the beach. And I learned a lot... Let me review the lesson:
Yes, Mother, I wore sunscreen.
Yes, Mother, I reapplied sunscreen.
No, Mother, I didn't reapply as much as you would've liked.
No, Mother, I didn't apply sunscreen to the belly region.
No, Mother, I am not sun kissed.
Yes, Mother, I am burned.
Yes, Mother, I did have a painful shower.
There you have it. My belly is now my own personal space heater. Other wise, my legs and shoulders look really nice. They're sun kissed tan.
These past two days I was at Grado. It's the beach near us. My host family has a house there so I had a place to sleep. Sara was there too. Since the summer concert season opened yesterday, we went to the concert. No, it wasn't that nice. I mean the music was okay but the girl who was up there, playing cheerleader, she was getting on my nerves. I had a lot of fun. It was a nice way to spend my last Sunday. Plus I was with friends. That's the way to go.
Before the concert, I was able to go swimming at the beach and lay out and tan. No I didn't burn from that. Today is when I burned. Sara and I were laying out on the boardwalk from noon to 3. Right when the sun is at its peak power. Read above comments on sunscreen.
We got fro-yo too! That was a perfect way to end our day at the beach. Plus, I was able to catch up on my writing. I felt like a kebab a bit too. I'd lay on my back for an hour then I would rotate to my belly.  It was very kebab-y
Tomorrow, I have my going away party. I keep saying it's going to be the party of the year. Who knows? Maybe it will be. Sara and I were joking around saying that we should have a bonfire and roast marshmallows. I don't think it'll happen. Unless we dig a fire pit in the front yard. Hmmm...
I just wanted to check in. I'll write Wednesday too.