Last day in Italy. Where has the time gone? I made it 10 months, 1 week and a day. Who would've thought.
Yesterday, we had my going away party. It was really nice actually. My friend kept saying that it was so Italian. That being in a yard over looking vineyards and having the Italian flag hanging above us. I guess it is very Italian. But the thing is, Gorizia is Italian in its own way. There are the apartments with different colors, the cobblestones, the ice cream and high fashion stores. My friends don't realize how lucky they are to live here. How amazing it is to be surrounded by this history.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: we should always be proud of where we come from. I know, I make Vail out to be small and closed and hard to have space to breathe. Yet, I love it. I love the comfort of being surrounded by the mountains. Knowing that in half an hour, I can be out skiing or out on the trail running. Sure, sometimes I feel closed off and that there is no air still, I try to remember how lucky I am to say I live in the mountains. I'm proud to say that I'm not an apartment baby or a city girl. That I know which plants you can survive off of and what plants will kill you in a matter of hours. I'm proud to say that I know how to run away from a moose. (Zigzags everyone)
This is what my life has come to... knowing how to run from a moose.
What am I supposed to say? There are no words for this feeling. This feeling of leaving a new life, of leaving a new family and new friends. This feeling of seeing my family after 10 months of only emails and skype dates.
I woke up this morning at 2 in the morning because I'm NERVOUS! That's it! I admit it. I am damn flippin' nervous to see my family. To see the valley. To see everybody. I'm nervous that I'm not the girl everyone is looking forward to seeing. I've changed so much and I don't know who they are expecting. The girl I was before exchange or the young woman I have grown into. I'm nervous that I'll lose friends because of who I've become. Isn't that so vain of me? I'm more nervous about losing friends than I was nervous before going to school for the first time in Italy.
But then on the flip side, I'm so excited to see my family. I can't wait to give my mom a huge hug. And see my dad. To see the rocks in my life. To see my baby sister and tell her about all the guys in Europe and how they dress well and are in their own way, so much better than American guys. To be able to hug all of them and tell them thank you for letting me go off for a year.
Then I'm so sad to leave my Italian family. I keep crying because I don't know when I'll see them next. They are so precious to me. They have taken a part of my heart and I hold them close. They let me into their home and didn't ask anything of me. They let me discover who I am. I am so grateful for that.
The title is a song by Death Cab for Cutie. After this year, I will follow all of the people I love into the dark. I would make that sacrifice to let them know I care about them. To let them know that they always have someone to count on. Just like my parents did for me this year and the years past.
"Fear is the heart of love" according to the song and I agree. That's what this year was. A jump into the abyss. Where you let fear pass once you start to love your new family. When you start to love your friends. The fear passes and then it comes galloping back when it's time to leave. And you know why? Because you're taking another jump into the abyss.
I tell myself "I'm going on an adventure". I told myself that before I left for Italy. I told myself that before I left for Israel. And now I'm telling it to myself before I leave for home. Because that's what life is. One big adventure.
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